I am my toughest client. As a psychotherapist for the past seven years I have collected stories and lessons from my clients through over 14,000 hours of counseling. But, I must admit, dealing with my own personal relationships has probably been the most challenging, likely because I analyze too much. I often think it would be easier if I was not a counselor. That is not going to change, so I have decided to share my personal stories and experiences with clients in this blog.  I have perceptions and realizations that are just aching to see the light of day in written format.

Through the years, I have experienced exhilaration, crushing rejection, pain and sadness.  And, I am still learning as I refuse to give up and go back into my cave of safety and seclusion, licking my wounds and vowing never to get hurt again. 

I wondered, what if others could benefit from what I have experienced? That question motivates many bloggers to share their subjects.  What if other men and women could benefit from my experiences and learning?  I have a unique vantage point:  my combination of being a single man tackling the dating scene, a psychotherapist, and new self searching for my soul mate. 

 I am also at an age where I feel compelled to share lessons I have learned. This is how I show compassion, provide support, and care for others going through this journey. There is a new lesson to glean from every relationship.

Thousands of articles and books promise to tell you how to be successful in your soul mate search. Some are actually helpful, while many send you down a road of frustration.  Seriously, can there really be a successful manual for dating when our culture is evolving and technology is dramatically changing the way we connect every day.

As a psychologist, it is fascinating to watch this paradigm shift. Today’s women are a totally new breed. They have the right to the same goals that men have had for years, and  they are successfully achieving them without having to have a man by their side. From a guy who grew up in the ‘old school’ world, the notion that men no longer have the ‘breadwinner power’ is a little frightening.

Men have seen the dating rules change in some cases more dramatically than for women.  Men also have more options since what constitutes being a man has been changing dramatically over the last 15 years.

I would love to stimulate a dialogue between men and women that goes beyond the flip words,and defensiveness to show that men and women have much more in common than differences between them.  

Finally, I want to share the most important success factor in dating – falling in love with yourself.  Does this sound melodramatic, new age, even possible?  If you don’t believe this, then your search will be more difficult and painful.  I am not talking about having a big ego or being narcissistic.  Rather, I want to demonstrate how you should work on self awareness and  really know yourself better than anyone else. The you accept yourself for what you are, and for what you are not, then the real journey begins.

Let’s start the journey together. Let’s start the conversations. Let’s have fun! Let’s find Love.